i was in someone else's house by myself for some reason. they had a fishtank with four fish in it, one big one and three little ones. one of the little ones was a baby of the big one that had apparently been born after the home owners had left, so they didn't know about it. for some reason, i decided that the two other small fish were going to die, so i took them out of the water to let them die on the top of the dresser. after a few minutes, i came to my senses and realized that i was killing the fish for no reason, so i put them back in the water, but they were already dead. so i scooped them up and put them in the garbage.
when the homeowners (who had a small son) came home, i told them that one of their fish had died. they were heartbroken, and wanted to see it, but i told them i had already emptied the garbage. i didn't tell them that two fish were dead, because i hoped that they would just think the baby was actually one of the small fish i had killed.
then, i was getting packed with my mom for a trip or a move of some kind. i was extremely angry and upset. i had a jar of something that was leaking, and i tried to find a dirty t-shirt to clean it up, but i eventually had to use a clean t-shirt, because i couldn't find a dirty one.
my mom got a phone call, and she gave me the phone, because she thought that whatever they had just told her would cheer me up. the person on the phone had apparently just given my mom a bed to sleep on, which meant that she wouldn't be sleeping on the bed she had shared with my dad tonight. somehow, this was supposed to cheer me up, but it made me more sad. like my mom was giving up the chance to sleep on that bed for one last night, while knowing that it was her last night in the bed they had shared.
we arrived at the airport, and we ran into BJ on the way to the gates. i was still extremely upset and angry, but i don't remember why any more. i either fell or threw myself to the ground, and as i was skidding forward, someone called out to me that i was about to crash into something, so i put my hands above my head and went headfirst into a box. the box was filled with beads that started to spill out, and i decided that i would piss everyone off by dumping the rest of the beads on the ground.
i got up and slid on the beads over to a security window, and as i was on my way, i realized that i had left my passport at home. my mom had gone to a different window, and i called to her for my ticket, because she was carrying them both. i gave the ticket to the security guard and started fumbling through my purse for some kind of ID. he then told me that i could have checked my biggest carry-on bag, because i was carrying so many carry-ons.
there are actually a lot of things in this dream that i recognize from recent events in my life, especially the fish part, because the family i was visiting this weekend had a small boy and a fishtank with 3 fish (one big and two little).
i've been having a lot of these upset/angry dreams lately. i think it has something to do with frustration over my current life situation (no money, no jobs, no motivation to accomplish anything). i think i must also be dealing with emotions concerning my father's death, because he keeps showing up (sometimes alive, sometimes dead) in my dreams, too.